i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
