THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
