I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i came on her dog
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
