Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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