You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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