Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
