I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
