I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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