my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
