In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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