That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
