My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
