bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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