Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
