Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
operation have a gay friend backfired
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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