That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
