Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
