Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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