and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
