woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
