Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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