Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
