i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
