dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
