Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
