I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
zippers are such a cool invention
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
