so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
