I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
