I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
