If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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