small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
