Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
