I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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