My nipple is on Facebook.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
