meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
farters have to be the big spoon...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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