he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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