I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
