when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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