Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
