Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
