Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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