i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
