I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
