either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
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I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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