so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
