my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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