I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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