i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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