party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There r osticjed everywhere
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
