So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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