I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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