omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
