Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
