its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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