for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
