i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
