Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
