Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I want to make a zoo with you.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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