I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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