Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
