Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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