Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
