Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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