Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
