So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
