she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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