Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
