youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
