god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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