You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
