shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
