You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
