I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
