true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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