Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Say something about gay babies.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
