Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize