My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
